Lumberjack is to explode over your CONSUMER INCOMPETENCE! I look at your bathrooms and I see a FINANCIAL MISTAKE in a bottle. Why? Because you fell for one of the oldest marketing tricks in the book: You are using that thin, pathetic LIQUID SOAP!
Let me be clear: That FILTH in the cheap plastic is designed to SUCK MONEY OUT OF YOUR POCKETS and then burden the planet. You made a terrible deal, and now I’m here to give you a MASTERCLASS IN WASHING AND VALUE OPTIMIZATION!
MEAT ON THE BONE, YOU SLOBS: YOU ARE PAYING TO TRANSPORT WATER!
Listen up: Let’s do a quick FINANCIAL ANALYSIS of your liquid soap.
Liquid Soap is a Logistics CATASTROPHE: Simple question: Do you have WATER in your tap? Yes, you do. Your liquid soap consists of up to 80% WATER! You are paying a supply chain to burn fossil fuels to move YOUR OWN F*CKING MAIN INGREDIENT 300 miles! That’s like buying an empty suitcase and paying extra to have it filled with air! IF YOU DO THAT, YOU ARE NOT A SMART PERSON!
Solid (Handcrafted) Soap is OPTIMAL RESOURCE ALLOCATION: It is CONCENTRATED POWER! All weight is product! You pay for fats and oils, not water. Transportation is minimal, and your carbon accounting looks less ridiculous. Stop wasting money on H₂O you can get for free. That is the worst investment in your bathroom.
YOU ARE A CHEMICAL JUNKIE: STOP FUNDING PRESERVATION!
Your liquid soap is a microbiological time bomb. Because it's a watery soup, it’s a luxury hotel for bacteria. What do the big corporations do? They PUMP IT FULL OF CHEMICAL WASTE!
Liquid Soap is a Chemical INSURANCE POLICY: It contains preservatives, parabens, and harsh foaming agents that IRRITATE YOUR SKIN! Why? Not for your sake! But so the product doesn’t rot on the shelf before you get to buy it. YOU ARE PAYING FOR THEIR POOR FORMULATION! Your skin dries out because you are using a CHEMICAL SOLUTION to a LOGISTICAL PROBLEM!
SOLID, HANDCRAFTED SOAP IS PURE EFFICIENCY: It’s dry! No water = no bacteria party = NO NEED FOR PRESERVATIVES! You get a cleaner product, with fewer ingredients that actually NOURISH YOUR SKIN, instead of washing it in a bleach cocktail. This is the BEST QUALITY FOR THE RIGHT PRICE!
ARE YOU ECONOMICALLY ILLITERATE? (LOOK AT THE ROI!)
I watch you standing at the pump, pressing it four times like you're watering a garden! That is WASTE!
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Bar Soap = HIGH ROI (Return On Investment): It’s solid. It lasts. You can get 6 TIMES LONGER LIFESPAN out of it than that thin liquid! Why? Because it’s CONCENTRATED, and because you CONTROL your consumption! Your liquid soap is a short sale on your wallet! It disappears faster than a crypto currency on a bad day!
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LIQUID SOAP is a BAD INVESTMENT: It slips out of your hand, it’s over-dosed, and you’re back at the store two weeks later! STOP DONATING MONEY TO THE PLASTIC INDUSTRY!
BE A WINNER. MAKE THE RIGHT DEAL!
Bar soap is for people who are SMART, who understand VALUE, and who refuse to be FOOLED BY A LARGE PLASTIC BOTTLE! Liquid soap is for losers who love wasting money on water and chemicals!
Toss those ridiculous plastic bottles out! Buy a real bar of soap! IT IS THE ONLY RIGHT WAY TO MANAGE YOUR MONEY AND YOUR HANDS!
